Saturday, June 9, 2007

Fear Rant

Today was an okay day. It had its ups and its downs. I actually received two messages today. One was that a dear friend of mine was doing OK and was no longer sick. The second message was that my goddaughter had fallen very ill a few days ago. I guess what happened was she fell and lost consciousness and stopped breathing, a parents nightmare of course. I went over to visit and she is doing great. She is awesome she kept trying to get me to dance with her. For any of you who know me, I am not a very good dancer, i try but its not something that flows naturally. But she was dancing around as a two year old would. It was a good time.
I also had a lot of things to think about today. I was pondering about relationships and what they actually are. I thought. Well a relationship is a connection, a vibe, a desire to be with someone else. But that is the nature of these and why do they drive everyone crazy. Honestly? I think it is the nature of man to always be social and hence the person you can be most "social" with would be your partner. Anyways that's just a side note because i have no idea where that one was going.
I do however want to write about "fear". I am scared of it. But not scared because of what fear is but scared of actually having it. I think that if you fear something you are inhibiting yourself from ever being able to overcome it. Hence you have to push yourself, which can be a good or a bad thing.
The distinction is what you push yourself into. If it is the case that your fear drives you to be reckless then you are not only scared but stupid. However the same applies if you never push yourself at all. You simply become a complacent individual who has never challenged themselves to something better. You know in the Bible there is the story of talents. The story summed is that there are a few people who God gives talents too. To one he gives ten, another five and a third two. (i am not sure of the number but this is a synopsis). Anyhow two of them double there gifts because they use them and gain others. However the one who only has two talents does not use them. He hides them so they stay intact. When God comes back and asks what this guy did with his gifts and finds out he did nothing and simply hid them in a hole God takes them away and gives them to the guys who worked with their gifts. Moral of the story, work with what you have. Not recklessly but not to conservatively so you become a productive individual not a pathetic person who does nothing.

In this thought during this week I went to a casting that a friend was invited too. She is gorgeous and has a great personality; I am sure will do great in the entertainment industry. I decided to join her on her journey and take the classes with her. I think I decided it not because i want to become an actor or anything, ha me an actor. I did it to support her and also to gain interpersonal skills. As most of you know, or anyone who called my voice mail in the last couple of weeks I am a pretty cold person. Not cold like I don't care, but instead cold like lets get to the point...last things first. Yeah i have gotten some negative feedback so I have since changed my voicemail. But honestly i was getting some annoying messages telling me to call back and not citing a reason. I mean come I am not going to call you back unless you can either establish a relationship to me and i know what its about or if you tell me what your reason for calling is...why the heck would i waste time calling someone back to be blindsided by an issue i was not prepared for, nah no thanks. Yeah anyhow... I am going to take acting classes. It should be fun and it something else to do. I figure the worst that can happen is I will at least learn to fake a smile when people are say something ignorant or stupid.

That really bothers me and i have never known why. I feel the need to correct people when they make a mistake. Now i recognize that it is wrong and that i should not be doing that because it causes uncomfortable and sometimes confrontational situations but come on! Why would you say something or state your opinion if you have no reasons for it. For example I had a discussion about illegal immigration the other day. This is a subject that interested me a lot. I tend to reserve my opinions because, no offense, there are very few people who can argue or discuss a subject without letting it get to them. I mean they will bust out these elaborate sayings and personal experiences and at the end feel hurt that you do not side with them or switch to their side. The beauty of a friendship is knowing that I can have the completely opposing view as someone and still be able to say..."let go grab a brew" after. its tough to have those friends. I have a few. They are good people and i value their opinions not because they sometimes oppose my own, but because they have reasons to back them up. Most people that I talk to just go with the crowd. Its Nietzsche's herd mentality. They just go with the crowd. Oh well if CNN said it or the BBC said it that's the truth. No, form your own opinions and quit piggy backing on others. The following quote is something to think about.

Kurt Vonnegut from Quotes of the Day

"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be."

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