I promised myself that I would never attempt to write about a subject that I did not know a lot about. I figured, the way to express oneself is to talk about what you know and not about what you don't. Pretty simple stuff. However I have recently encountered a feeling that I usually don't have, freedom. Yeah I know what the immediate thought is, what the heck are you talking about. I saw the following:
It made me reflect about what I do that had caused me to not be free. I always had a feeling that I was either doing something wrong or acting in some way that I should not. Which a lot of the time is true. For those of you who know me, you know that I act pretty stupidly sometimes, not gonna lie. But, there are a lot of cases where I felt that I was doing the right thing, just not in the right way. Better yet, I was doing something with the best intentions, however the action or the via I chose would always or typically end up achieving the opposite result.
For example...I thought that telling a best friend how you feel on the spot would be the best way to act. I figured the person knows you and understands that sometimes, especially in my case, the first thought in your mind is not the most developed thought. However they, being your best friend, would understand and be able to empathize with your plight. I was wrong. I learned that the first thing out my mouth is often times the exact opposite of what I actually mean. Its a concept that is meant to relay an feeling and not the complete thought I wanted. It does not actually mean what is stated. Better way to put it, i put my foot in my mouth. Sure enough I am going to pay for it and will continue to. However, back to freedom.
I feel that I am free. How does knowing that you consistently put your foot in your mouth have anything to do with freedom. It does. I am taking responsibility for what I say. I know this may seem revolutionary given the state of our country where you have people saying one thing then changing their views right away. The way that I think about things is that when you say "i put my foot in my mouth" you are actually excusing your actions and separating them from you. You alienate yourself from what you said so that you did not mean it and hence are not taking responsibility for what was said. I now feel free because I accept responsibility for what I said, and even though I did not mean it I know that it caused harm and that I am an idiot for just running my mouth before I could actually put the whole thought together. I accept that it is my fault and no one else; that makes me free.
I am free to think about what I am going to say before I say it because like the quote implies we do dread freedom since when free we must be responsible for what we say and do. I know that I cannot make up for lost time or that I cannot make up for all of the hurtful things I may have said because of my pathetic attempts to alienate myself from stupid statements. Believe me I have said stupid things trying to "fix" retarded statements, which either worked kind of, or were ignored because my best friend was kind enough to give me the benefit of the doubt. I have even been called a "Mexican president". Any of you familiar with Mexican political parties knows that is not a nice thing to say. In Mexico there is a a general consensus that the president is a liar and simply misleads to get into power then when they become president, rob the country, make some money then split. Yes so as you can see not very nice.
I don't talk to this person anymore. Which sucks but that's just the way it has to be. Like Johnny Cash said "I don't like it, but i guess things happen that way." There were a lot of other issues that caused it to be that way. But I have learned something and I think that they would be happy that I have, honestly. As i had stated before I try to keep this blog as impersonal or alien as I can because i feel that adding names or situations will simply show my perspective which is always in my favor, of course. So the other issues I will leave as such. But I can thank them a lot for giving me the benefit of the doubt for so long. I think that it is going to make me a better person and hopefully help out with law school, j/k.
Nah but honestly I think that the most valuable thing that I am going to take away (that i can share) is freedom. the freedom to be responsible and even though it sucks, fess up and never say I put my foot in my mouth, excuse what i said and clear it up right there. So there are no issues, no situations and no problems. So I hope that anyone reading this would really think about that expression, "put your foot in your mouth." I think its just a way of using language to separate ourselves from stupid statement without having to admit that we are wrong. Is that a life worth living? I will leave you with this thought: