Last night was the scene of the last final I shall take in 2010. I finished early and drove home in the rain. It felt like escape from the world of books and academia into the wild, it was nice. Since last night the euphoria has settled and I have had the chance to reflect. Do I think I did as well as I could have? No. Did I do the best that I could? Yes. You can always do better, but for me I have to settle on doing the best that I can for me. I work and drive the California freeways like a maniac; over 22k in approx 9 months is testament. But the miles and time does not bother me or feel as burdensome anymore. I feel that all those moments are endurance training and practice for the business of life. There are things we will simply love and others we will have to slosh through.
There is a story about Harry Houdini that reminds me of the work it takes to get anything worthwhile done. As we all know his name is synonymous with Magic and escape, but it should be another word for endurance. A blood vessel in his kidney burst because he was too tightly sealed into a canvas bag. He called his doctor after he had been urinating blood. Doctor said that he would be dead in a year if he did not take some months off from his lifestyle. He took two weeks off and sent the doctor photos and news clippings of his achievements for the next 15 years.
It takes a lot out of you to achieve what you want. I am not going to attempt to burst any blood vessels or jump into frozen rivers. School is something I want, but it feels like a missionary trip to the Congo every time I get there after a long day at work. Yet when I leave I feel like a better person and like I have done something worthwhile, Houdiniesque, minus urinating blood part. I know that finals went the best way that they could and that I will continue to do my best. The trick is to teach oneself to push a little harder. That’s the point that I am in. I feel that things are clicking and stuff is starting to fire on all cylinders. Hopefully this winter break will let me tick up the trail miles and motivate me to build my academic endurance up in order to get where I need to at school.