I read an article today that was an older lawyer’s reflection on his career and the things that he should have known when he was younger.  These were:

1 - Build Networks early and maintain them throughout your career

2 - Don’t hold happiness hostage

3 - Overcome the grip of inertia

4 - It’s not all about you

I think that these are not only lessons for the attorney but for everyone.  I will comment on one. I think there is a need to maintain the relationships that we built and should not be limited by people in our lives or ourselves.  We should value friends and not be lazy with follow ups and calls.  I really need to get on this one, because for the last few years I was not the most available person for my family let alone my friends.  I had a very long talk with a friend of mine.  I have not really had someone bust my chops that bad in a long time.  I think it is what I needed to snap out of it.  He is the only person who has called me out on certain things that no one else perceived or even thought of; I thought I was so smart, but alas that gig is up.

I am going to play golf this weekend a few times, actually I am going to hit with the guys for the first time in a few weeks.  I think I can take them at closest to the pin…so long as the pin with within 150 yards.  I feel it, it is here.  I have been using the PING clubs for a few times now and I think that they are coming alive.  I think that it will be a good thing.

School is good.  I have been reading more often and I actually ordered some lectures on CD to accompany me on my ridiculous commute.  Hopefully they pay off or at least do no bore me to the point where I pass out on the 110 or the 405 freeways. 

I read a story this morning in the San Francisco Chronicle noting that Federal Judge Vaughn Walker who is to decide whether or not Prop 8 is legal is gay.  I am not sure how to feel on that issue because to be quite honest I think that it can be either of two paths.  Either the judge is so conscious about it that he makes an error of judgment and favors a side over another or he allows his judgment to be clouded and is prejudice against one of the parties.  Can he be fair?  Sure, I would like to think so.  Although I am not certain how anyone would be able to because our personal lives have an effect on how we see the world around us and that permits us to form not only our personalities but also our opinions.  I pray that he can honestly judge that case.   I imagine that regardless of the outcome the judge will hear a lot of bad press.  If he says it is constitutional then he caved to media pressure, if he says that it is not constitutional then he opined with his personal bias.  Everyone in California knows that this case, regardless of the outcome will go to the Supreme Court.  Whether they take it or not is another question.  What I can say for sure is that his ruling will be historical and will set a precedent on how to deal with hot button issues or how not to deal with them.  We will have to wait and see.

I have been re-reading cases for a draft we have due in a few weeks.  I am very nervous about it because I am not seeing the big picture.  I must have re-read the cases a few times each and each time I am not certain if I am able to link it via analogy to the problem we are discussing.  I have been enjoying reading them though just not seeing the big picture yet.  Last night, in an effort to obtain that moment of clarity I read Russell again and saw an interesting concept.  It was a direct link with the majority’s opinion so I will use that as a launching pad for the rest of the paper.  I am hoping to have a functional draft by Tuesday night and then editing it down the rest of the week with touch ups this weekend.

Golf, what can I say… It is a four letter word.  I went out and played a few holes and hit the range on Sunday.  I was not particularly interested in the Super bowl this year since I cared little about either team.   I played in a group with a couple and single in addition to myself.  The single had a foul mouth.  It made me remember when I would go into the tirades over a swing I had not yet dominated.  I hit some terrible shots, but instead of seeing them as terrible I just started seeing opportunity.  There is a par 4, 8^th at San Clemente.  A straight drive will mean you are hitting the green in two if you get the ball to kick down the hill and it will be a 150 yrd approach to an elevated green, plays 160 ish.  I hit a flush drive straight into the fairway, the one attached to the 7^th hole.  At first I was upset I made great connection with a poor result.  As I walked to the ball I shrugged it off and saw I was sitting on the flat part of the hole with a decent lie.  I hit a hybrid to 30 yrds short of the green, also to a flat spot. Had the ball gone where I wanted I would be hitting a blind second shot that anything less than perfect could have left me in a bunker or over.  I hit a high pitch on since I had a flat lie that stopped an inch from where it landed.  I faced a 20 foot putt, two putted for a bogey.  Looking at the hole it was not that bad.  Considering that the tee shot was 50 yards right of my intended landing area one shot is good damage control.

Golf has been a better tool for me than I could have ever imagined.  It has freed me to see things in places that I would never expect.  I feel very confident with my new swing.  I am taking, or at least feel that I am taking a slower swing, but with a more consistent pace.  I am going to be playing a lot this weekend.  I think that it will be good for me to get some fresh air.  I have been stuck behind the books for a few weeks now, and I may be loosing it.
I have been good the last few weeks.  I think I have made big strides with myself.  I still freak out a little bit, but at the same time I have been blessed to become more focused and more myself.  For a very long time i lost who I was and now I feel like I am arriving at the person that God wants me to be, the true me.  Last weekend I was walking back to school from a coffee shop.  I was just on the street and I heard a ping pong ball.  I know, odd that I know what that sounds like in the middle of downtown LA, however.  I heard the ball and decided to investigate.  I knocked on a door and a stranger answered.  I asked about the sound and he informed that they apparently  meet up to play on Sundays.  I joined this group of complete strangers and played a few games.  It was nice to play, I had not in a few weeks; but it came back quickly.  I have also been running more often, I think that that the days of jogging on the regular are returning which is a good thing.  I also had a chance to hang with family and friends this weekend.  Went to a club for a birthday celebration on Friday, then to a ball on Saturday at a country club in LA.  I enjoyed the company and talking to everyone at both the club and the sat event.  I am continuously amazed at the level of intellectualism and charisma that people whom I would never have "pegged" as being such.  Everyday I discover that people are more like me than ever before.  I used to always distinguish instead of reconcile; but now reconciling seems more logical.  Its an odd change for me but I think it is a blessing.  I swear, no one believes me, but God works in mysterious ways.  Nothing happens without a reason behind it, nothing.  Even the worse things in life have a lesson to teach.  
Law School, will take a different perspective today.  I read a story about a young lawyer who helped a family avoid losing their home.  I feel like a wimp saying this, but I really felt bad for the family.  I know that they entered into a loan that they should not have entered.  I know that a simple 99 cent calculator would have shown them that they were screwed in a few years.  But they have a family and when kids are involved its different.  If it was a couple that was just clinging to not loose their home I would be less likely to care, but they had two kids.  The young lawyer working via Google and a stern voice was able to reach an agreement with the lender.  I will not bore you with the details.  But that was so motivating to me.  I know that currently I am going through a rough patch in school, it is not easy or else everyone would do it.  But I want to be that resource that the community looks too when they need help.  I know that at the end of the day I want my life to positively influence the members of my community and give a voice to those who would have otherwise been silent.  I pray God helps me achieve this goal.

You know they say that History is written by the winner.  For a very long time I believed the same; I now think history is written by the loudest voice.  I am a firm believer that the truth will come out in the long run, always.  Anything done improperly or with ill will find its way back to its creator.  I really wish history someday views the silent ones in their appropriate light.  I read an article today about the Euro’s value and its conflicting views in Germany, Spain and Greece.  Reuters said that in the Greek parliament they complained that Germany should not denounce them for their finances if they had not yet paid reparations for WWII.  Note to Greece…115 million paid 1960.  They are in trouble, but what bothers me about these stories is not that they are in fiscal trouble… it is that they feel entitled to relief from stronger groups.  There is a mutual obligation to help fellow men across the valley of existence, but not to the detriment of ourselves or our beliefs.  People should be inclined to help others, it’s our human nature, but if helping makes you worse off or hurts you, then do not help.  But if you are not helping because of some ill will, misplaced or improper sentiment then don’t complain when you learn that spitting to heaven is not a good idea.

 

Law school has been great.  I had the opportunity go to dinner and a party with other students.  It was great and I enjoyed learning a lot from them.  I am a touch scared to be surrounded by so many intelligent people, but it was good nonetheless.  I have been reviewing for my laws class and trying to memorize elements for torts, but I think that torts can be so arbitrary based on judge that the elements are only a loose schema that may or may not be followed.   I just feel like I am getting lost in the Torts class, more than even contracts. 

 

Golf has actually become the more stable of my activities.  I avoid certain golf ranges, but besides that my distances are getting consistent.  The PING’s have helped, a lot.

 

  Very rarely are my prayers answered in an expeditious manner.  In my meditative stupor I realized that my prayers were answered in an instant, I simply did not like the answer.  They say that there is a calm before the storm and I think that is equally true for after the storm.  I was so close for so long to compromise: goals, aspirations, desires and achievements for something that was not worth my time and upon reflection I really did not want anymore.  I had a carnal desire/need that became a habit that could be curbed at will so long as the will was strong.  The problem was that the will may be strong but the flesh is weak; to quote a smart guy named Jesus. I think the term is “whipped.”  I was its true; I was unaware of how it affected me until last night.  I had a heart to heart with a close member of my family.  Their opinion was that I was submissive when with her and even though we could have made the relationship work, it would have taken its toll on any career aspirations I had, i.e. get married and call your career a day.  It was in a very long relationship and worked hard to become more successful in life in order to provide a comfortable living for my partner.  My obsession was to provide the kind of life that I dreamed; a comfortable existence that allowed for the simple pleasures.  However, her needs and desires were focused in a different direction, as they say in Contracts, there was no meeting of the minds.    She is already in a relationship and I really did think that kind of revelation would kill me.  But it didn’t, I am truly happy for her.  I think more than anything I am pleased that she has the opportunity to be happy and that’s all I ever really wanted and it took a weight off my shoulders because as a friend said, it is not for you to look after her best interest anymore, she is a big girl and can decide for herself.  It was very liberating because I really thought that I had done wrong to this person and been with her for so long that I had ruined her chances of finding anyone.  In reality I had only done what I thought was best.  You cannot blame yourself for trying your best.  Cheers to that.

        My yardage is back, but don’t tell anyone.  I gained the lost yardage last weekend.  The PW and most clubs were flying over intended targets and back to normal range.  I am very excited for that.  I think that all I needed to do was be sure that I squared up the face at address.  In addition, I took my time over every shot and made sure that I felt the shot before executing it.  I swung from the inside and made sure to consciously roll my wrists through impact.  The yards came back effortlessly.  I also think it is because I am using fitted clubs more and have made the adjustment to them.  I am happy about that, I think that if I really work at it I can make my May 2010 golf goal. 

        Law school is good.  It has been suffering because of the amount of energy I pissed away on something that I could have let go had I wanted.  I am reading a lot more efficiently than I was last semester.  I am worried about Torts.  It seems that chronology of events is key to the argument and because external factors could affect the settlement of tort cases it is easy to get overwhelmed.  I am disappointed in a draft I wrote because I feel that the organization is great but the case law cited is weak.  I want to make analogies to cases but our fact pattern was so different that I felt the comparisons would be weak. 

School is taking its toll on me. I am tired and the additional stress at work makes it harder to bounce back. But I am on it. I think that I am going to become one of those workaholic people later in life. The prospect was scary but at least for now…cheers to workahol. 

I think I am going to take Winston Churchill’s description and call it a “black dog.” It is nice to know that I have something in common with such a great man, although its generally not a good thing to have in common with someone. However unlike him I will not travel down his same path. I do appreciate one think he did say: Never, never, never quit. These last few weeks have been a combination of ups and downs. However I think that identifying the issue was probably my best bet. So now I can deal with it. The positive thing is that it is only my own and no one else’s which hypothetically should make things easier to manage. 

I struck the ball as well as I had in long time. I am not going to jinx it by talking to much about it, but good things are coming for my game.

I read a story this morning in the San Francisco Chronicle noting that Federal Judge Vaughn Walker who is to decide whether or not Prop 8 is legal is gay.  I am not sure how to feel on that issue because to be quite honest I think that it can be either of two paths.  Either the judge is so conscious about it that he makes an error of judgment and favors a side over another or he allows his judgment to be clouded and is prejudice against one of the parties.  Can he be fair?  Sure, I would like to think so.  Although I am not certain how anyone would be able to because our personal lives have an effect on how we see the world around us and that permits us to form not only our personalities but also our opinions.  I pray that he can honestly judge that case.   I imagine that regardless of the outcome the judge will hear a lot of bad press.  If he says it is constitutional then he caved to media pressure, if he says that it is not constitutional then he opined with his personal bias.  Everyone in California knows that this case, regardless of the outcome will go to the Supreme Court.  Whether they take it or not is another question.  What I can say for sure is that his ruling will be historical and will set a precedent on how to deal with hot button issues or how not to deal with them.  We will have to wait and see.

I have been re-reading cases for a draft we have due in a few weeks.  I am very nervous about it because I am not seeing the big picture.  I must have re-read the cases a few times each and each time I am not certain if I am able to link it via analogy to the problem we are discussing.  I have been enjoying reading them though just not seeing the big picture yet.  Last night, in an effort to obtain that moment of clarity I read Russell again and saw an interesting concept.  It was a direct link with the majority’s opinion so I will use that as a launching pad for the rest of the paper.  I am hoping to have a functional draft by Tuesday night and then editing it down the rest of the week with touch ups this weekend.

Golf, what can I say… It is a four letter word.  I went out and played a few holes and hit the range on Sunday.  I was not particularly interested in the Super bowl this year since I cared little about either team.   I played in a group with a couple and single in addition to myself.  The single had a foul mouth.  It made me remember when I would go into the tirades over a swing I had not yet dominated.  I hit some terrible shots, but instead of seeing them as terrible I just started seeing opportunity.  There is a par 4, 8^th at San Clemente.  A straight drive will mean you are hitting the green in two if you get the ball to kick down the hill and it will be a 150 yrd approach to an elevated green, plays 160 ish.  I hit a flush drive straight into the fairway, the one attached to the 7^th hole.  At first I was upset I made great connection with a poor result.  As I walked to the ball I shrugged it off and saw I was sitting on the flat part of the hole with a decent lie.  I hit a hybrid to 30 yrds short of the green, also to a flat spot. Had the ball gone where I wanted I would be hitting a blind second shot that anything less than perfect could have left me in a bunker or over.  I hit a high pitch on since I had a flat lie that stopped an inch from where it landed.  I faced a 20 foot putt, two putted for a bogey.  Looking at the hole it was not that bad.  Considering that the tee shot was 50 yards right of my intended landing area one shot is good damage control.

Well today has actually been a rather awkward day.  I have been too thoughtful today.  Not that being thoughtful is a bad thing, it is just it has made me lag and that’s not good.  I am usually pretty good about rallying past things so it is just going to have to be one of those times.  The issue is that I have never really had to rally past anything I really cared about.  Most of the time when it came to it I really had stopped caring long before or simply shut it out in pursuit of the next thing.  I must have ADD or something.  However this is one of those times when rallying in my usual jovial and childish spirit would not be the best thing to do.  If I do I will learn nothing and end up exactly at the beginning again.  Also I don’t really want to rally past just yet, I think I want to learn as much as I can first and then see what the man upstairs wants to show me.  Anyhow I had an interesting conversation last night, which really brought things home for me.  Unfortunately I am really slow at understanding simple things, but I can grasp ridiculously complicated things quickly… odd gift.   You know ever since I can remember I have known that I am not a patient person.  I think that God is forcing me to be one because I am not wise enough to practice it so he is going cold turkey patience style.  I am going to be patient and continue with the same plan I had before although the reasons have changed a touch I still think the whole thing is a good idea.  I am sticking with it because I gave my word I would. 

School has been fine, but I feel like I am not grasping what I should be.  I feel more lost than I did last semester.  I really like what I am reading and my professors are great but my comprehension of the material does not “feel” complete.  I know what it is, I know what I have to do with it, but I walk away thinking I am missing something or that I am not grasping the big picture.  Also this week I suffered one of the PC meltdowns that always happen when you need your PC.  My PC decided to do something and not give me access to anything so I had to reformat which is unfortunate because I lost completed files that I had to work with.  So that rather was junk.  I am really, really tempted to go the Mac route.  Anyone who knows me know that is a tough pill to swallow, especially for me because I don’t like one company controlling so much of your life, iPod, Podcasts, QuickTime the whole 9.  But…that having been said, they are reliable…I probably will not get one because they are a touch to pricey for me and I cannot afford to take time to learn to use it while needing to use it, but we’ll see.

                Golf was actually the best part of the weekend.  I played a round on Sunday.  I struck the ball well off the tee for the most part and played intelligent golf.  However my touch on the greens was ridiculous.  I was practically jabbing at every putt and forcing balls into the hole; definitely not exciting.  I am kind of hoping summer comes around so I can play a few rounds during the week.  I do not think I am going to be able to lower my handicap into the teens by May.  I am trying but it is looking tougher, I just can’t string the whole thing together.  I hit last night with a friend of mine.  Conversation was interesting but I think I just see the world differently than he does.  Also my driver was on fire… 80% of my shots were dead straight, hybrids were flying even with a slight draw at times and irons on target with a slight fade at the end.  The only irons I was having trouble with was the 4 + 5 Irons which were going just not the distances that they usually do.  I think it helps my swing that I was distracted and had my mind on other things so the muscle memory kicked in and just went through the swing.