Very rarely are my prayers answered in an expeditious manner. In my meditative stupor I realized that my prayers were answered in an instant, I simply did not like the answer. They say that there is a calm before the storm and I think that is equally true for after the storm. I was so close for so long to compromise: goals, aspirations, desires and achievements for something that was not worth my time and upon reflection I really did not want anymore. I had a carnal desire/need that became a habit that could be curbed at will so long as the will was strong. The problem was that the will may be strong but the flesh is weak; to quote a smart guy named Jesus. I think the term is “whipped.” I was its true; I was unaware of how it affected me until last night. I had a heart to heart with a close member of my family. Their opinion was that I was submissive when with her and even though we could have made the relationship work, it would have taken its toll on any career aspirations I had, i.e. get married and call your career a day. It was in a very long relationship and worked hard to become more successful in life in order to provide a comfortable living for my partner. My obsession was to provide the kind of life that I dreamed; a comfortable existence that allowed for the simple pleasures. However, her needs and desires were focused in a different direction, as they say in Contracts, there was no meeting of the minds. She is already in a relationship and I really did think that kind of revelation would kill me. But it didn’t, I am truly happy for her. I think more than anything I am pleased that she has the opportunity to be happy and that’s all I ever really wanted and it took a weight off my shoulders because as a friend said, it is not for you to look after her best interest anymore, she is a big girl and can decide for herself. It was very liberating because I really thought that I had done wrong to this person and been with her for so long that I had ruined her chances of finding anyone. In reality I had only done what I thought was best. You cannot blame yourself for trying your best. Cheers to that.
My yardage is back, but don’t tell anyone. I gained the lost yardage last weekend. The PW and most clubs were flying over intended targets and back to normal range. I am very excited for that. I think that all I needed to do was be sure that I squared up the face at address. In addition, I took my time over every shot and made sure that I felt the shot before executing it. I swung from the inside and made sure to consciously roll my wrists through impact. The yards came back effortlessly. I also think it is because I am using fitted clubs more and have made the adjustment to them. I am happy about that, I think that if I really work at it I can make my May 2010 golf goal.
Law school is good. It has been suffering because of the amount of energy I pissed away on something that I could have let go had I wanted. I am reading a lot more efficiently than I was last semester. I am worried about Torts. It seems that chronology of events is key to the argument and because external factors could affect the settlement of tort cases it is easy to get overwhelmed. I am disappointed in a draft I wrote because I feel that the organization is great but the case law cited is weak. I want to make analogies to cases but our fact pattern was so different that I felt the comparisons would be weak.