Saturday, May 8, 2010

Golf has been good to me this last week and half. I have not been at work because I have been studying for finals. So, naturally my breaks were going to the course between lattes and espresso shots. The issues that plagued me at the beginning of the year, i.e. the tee box, are all but a distant memory. My new foe is the second shot. I am always caught between an easy hybrid or a long iron shot. When I am in the rough I go with the iron, and fairway I go with the hybrid. However, the uneven lies are kicking me right in the gut. I cannot seem to get enough compression on the ball to get piercing ball flight. Freaking ball seems to get slapped by air, its frustrating. I have holed it from of the green with my wedges but that second shot just evades me. I also have been putting lights out; my green reading has become much more accurate. I am lagging it pretty close instead of trying to hole everything and more stuff goes in. I have paid attention to some advice and I am sticking with the same irons and its been going well, I am swinging easy with no loss to yardage so I know if I need too I can squeeze a few extra yards out of each iron.
School has been going well. I had my Contracts final last Tuesday. It was a challenge and I definitely was feeling it on Wednesday morning. I went and got a haircut and even the stylist said I looked tired. I was so out of it, it was bad. I think the weight off my shoulders was necessary. Next Tuesday is going to be Torts. I am excited but at the same time I am afraid. I really am panicked at the amount of information and precision I have to churn out. Not exciting, but I am confident I will rock it. I hope.
Now over the last few weeks I have been meeting and chatting with a plethora of different people. I feel anew. In the past years most of my energy when speaking was spent explaining things. I was always explaining why I said this or that. I was always discussing, repeating, re-iterating and never really understood. It was ridiculous…and I have been called out on it a few times but it never clicked till now. I’d explain things to people starting with the assumption they do not understand, or do not comprehend. Every time that I would say something I was careful to use simple sentences not too complicated and be ready to explain that which was said. Overtime my way of speaking with certain people became limited, regressed, and quite childlike. When asked why I never had anything to say or why I would speak so freely among strangers or friends I could not answer….but now I can. Any word with multiple syllables became an issue. My personality left as soon as my expressions did. As my speech was ever more regulated so were my manners and even my everyday conduct. I became like a child and all for what? To attempt to explain myself to those who did not understand nor had the desire too? Had they attempted to understand it would have been different, but frustration set in and ruined the relations with that group. I had become a mute in my own mind. It was choking my creativity and passion for life. It was really a sad life. It took me a while to explain why I felt empty and stupid all at the same time. I since have been able to speak freely and not have to check my mannerisms or personality at the door; it’s great. There is one person in particular who really helped me see that, not with speeches or demonstrations…just by being themselves and I am so grateful to them its impossible to explain. I am so calm now. I can speak and be understood and things that I would have to explain I no longer have too…its wonderful being able to be me…really me. It is scary but exciting all at the same time; it is a type of freedom of expression I am not used too. I imagine that’s how the founding fathers felt when the 1st amendment was scribbled onto paper, electricity in the air that was so powerful the ripples echoed around the planet. I think that God put good people in my path and opened my ears to good advice when I needed it. I pray I can help others the same way I have been helped. The reason I mention this episode is not for my personal gratification alone. But I know that there are tons of people out there with my same thought. You are quiet, unassuming and perennial, but at the same time it feels like something is missing, something is out there in the world that you know exists but is just over the horizon. Something, it is different for everyone. For me it was acknowledgment that I was not that weird and that I could be free to speak like myself without explanations and it was okay. For you it may be another goal…Buena suerte

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