Monday, July 5, 2010

I have changed up my swing yet again.  I know same story.  I tried to get steeper but was having a tough time integrating the new feelings into my existing swing so I figured a dramatic change would be the better option.  So I went to the Stack and Tilt method.  It advocates starting the backswing with most if the weight on the left foot, taking a shorter backswing and hitting down through the ball.  I have experienced some success with it, and I think the feeling of hitting down through the ball is teaching me how much compression I should be getting on all my iron shots, very crispy indeed.  I went to the range with an old set of Tommy Armour 845s, if you do not know them then you obviously lack equipment knowledge, just kidding.  They are in the top three best selling irons of all time and quite good looking, but they use the old lofts, e.g. a 9 iron is somewhere between a PW and a New 9 Iron and so on, so the distances are a touch off.  I took them to the range and cranked out farther crisper shots than with my regular irons, Ping ISI-K.  So, ago when firing with weaker lofts I was getting the same yardage as my newer irons, I officially am more of a badass, kind of.  I will definitely stick with the stack and tilt until the sense of compression is engrained then I will go back to a traditional swing, which I think is more repeatable and does not work at your left knee as harshly.  Anyhow, that’s the update.
Law school = stress.  It’s a good kind of stress though because it keeps the mind active.  Now, that having been said, having to work full time and then go to school does rub me the wrong way at times, but I know that its for a good purpose so I have to keep stomping the pavement and getting it done.  The class I am currently in focuses on criminal law.  And the positive thing is that our teachers actually and legitimately care that we become good attorneys.  I say teachers because it is taught by two professors.  They are kind and answer even the worst questions in class.  There was one day that I really wanted to tell the person to shut up and go to office hours because they were wasting my time and biting into my gnarly commute, but I resisted.  I know that I have been that person asking all the annoying questions at one point as well.  Such is life, but it is a good experience.  I am pissed I did not go to South Africa even though I had two tickets, one for Qtr Finals and one for the 3 v.4 game, but that’s the way it goes, a sacrifice now for a better future tomorrow.
This week I had the opportunity to talk to two people I had not really spent time with.  One of them I had not seen since we graduated from LMU, the other I see but not as often.  It was very refreshing to talk to them because you realize how much things change, yet remain the same.  I had different types of relationships with each and characteristics that I recall in both, even back then were still present and very much a part of who they are.  One of them is defiant in a hardworking way.  They seek approval from themselves first and foremost and then secondly of everyone else.  When we were younger I recall the passion with which they would speak of the future; now, that passion is not as alive because the plan that we enacted as youths is in full swing.  However, they still have that desire to be more and never stop learning, its intoxicating.  It makes me happy to talk to persons like that.  For a few years my conversations were very limited and instead of talking to an inspiration to the future I would speak to relics of the past; which was fine until you realize you are not becoming a better person having them in your life.  The other friend is brilliant, can’t say anything else.  They are teaching the things that we learned at LMU, its insane to think that we would have 4 am “think tanks” before finals discussing Kant, Rousseau, Descartes, Hume or whoever else we were studying and this group was one of the reasons I stayed at LMU.  Speaking at such a precise level forces your mind out of the pigeonhole we throw it into everyday.  The friend had a party and even after a few beers we were brilliant, well worth the trip out there and definitely something I would want to do again.
Recently, I have felt like I am an idiot and simply trudging along without a clear sense of focus.  I know what I want to do and where I want to be, but the steps to get there scare me.  I don’t like being scared; it is not my “thing.”  I think a lot has to do with my personality.  If you have talked to me for longer than a minute, you know that I like to be prepared even for things that one cannot prepare for.   I usually try to go with my “feeling” on things, but sometimes the world gets so convoluted that I find myself seeking guidance in those whom I respect and admire the most.  They never give me a straight answer, which I would never want them too.  But it is hard to see the wisdom others offer when you are feeling lost yourself.  Usually whenever I feel this way I snap out of it in a few hours, but this time is different.  It is coming to that time in life when the tough decisions get tougher and those things I used to brush off are thrown back.  Helen Keller once said “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”  I hope I can rise to that level of self awareness and self knowledge.  I think it would be a tragic loss if I wandered through life seeking momentary goals and living event to event; all for what?  To seek a life of loose change? I cannot chase a life of dimes knowing there are dollars to be had.

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